I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
