i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
