thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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