dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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