I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
