3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
