Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
