you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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