his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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