The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
