after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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