turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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