i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
