Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
