paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
