Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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