puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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