My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're like the curious george of whores
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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