i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
