I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
