I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
