you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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