I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
