Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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