those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it glows. i had to have it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
