Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
