So drunk its hurt
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
