You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
