And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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