I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
