what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
