I just made out with a guy for $7.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
