made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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