Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
