So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't deserve a penis
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
