this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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