Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
