My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
