That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
