those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
