After last night, I could never be a politician.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
