I faked an abortion last night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
