Sacagawea was the original milf.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
