It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
