worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
