I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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