Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
