Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
