is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
