I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Rumble strips road head = magical
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
