walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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